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Home » Blog posts » ED recovery » Recovered thoughts + Uni Worries

Recovered thoughts + Uni Worries

September 18, 2020 13 Comments Filed Under: Blog posts, ED recovery, Mental health

EDIT: I’ve moved into Uni – this post was written a week or two ago

Hi.

I don’t have a good title, I don’t have a nice thumbnail – it’s just me.

I don’t really know what I’m trying to say, I just want to get a few things off my chest.

Yes, I do consider myself recovered from anorexia but I still have moments where the voice is really strong and I have to keep choosing recovery.


I leave for uni in 10 days (as I’m writing this) and cooking is scaring me a bit – ok, a lot.

I’m really bad at portioning food. I just never really know how much is the right amount for a meal.

I remember telling my therapist this a couple of years back and he didn’t really believe me. I basically know the amount for a snack but I’m not very good at meals. And whilst having CBT, I did my own snacks but my mum cooked dinner so I never really got the chance to portion my own food. He told me that I would figure it out, but I never have.

A week or two ago, my sister and I cooked dinner. I told my parents what I was making and they did tell me that the protein aspect was missing but I just thought adding some grated cheese to the top would do. It obviously didn’t.

We made stuffed peppers with a savoury rice inside, grated cheese on the top and some lettuce and cucmber on the side (side dish was my sisters idea, not mine!) That was what I considered a meal to me, and it’s not as if the peppers were big. I just assumed that the pepper (and the mushrooms in the rice) was the veg, the rice was the carb and the cheese was the protein.

I hate that I’m still struggling with food.

So, I cooked the meal and ate but was left feeling SO hungry. This then led to me feeling guilty about being hungry even though I knew, at the back of my mind, that I hadn’t had enough to eat.

I tried to let myself eat something else, but I just couldn’t. I instantly fell back into the eating disorder cycle. I was so quiet, anxious and kept to myself all evening. I was really upset / disappointed in myself but I also couldn’t say anything outloud – that stupid voice wouldn’t let me.


Another thing that still really scares me is oil.

I don’t really know what to say about it, it just scares me.


I am so bad at opening new packets of food.

When I was having CBT, I ate a lot of toast because it was one of the only safe foods for me. One day, I had to open the packet of bread because no one else had and my mind stupidly made a big thing of it which meant that I couldn’t be the first to open the packet.

Now because opening a packet came a thing, so did finishing off a packet which meant that my eating suddenley got much worse as I had, not just the food to worry about but also, the packaging.

I would say that I’m more or less fine with the food inside but I just get so anxious when it comes to eating the last of something or opening something up.

Logically, I know it’s stupid. It makes no sense to not eat something – food is bought to eat, not to save.


Ok, that was about 2 weeks ago. Now, I’ve moved into uni and I’m feeling better. I’ve only been here for one night so I’m still worried about cooking. I’m really hoping that it will get better when there’s more people, but we’ll see.

Hopefully, my next update type thing will be more positive.

Best wishes, Cx

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About Caroline

Welcome to Enviroline Blog 💗
I blog to raise awareness about the environment and mental health - specifically eating disorder recovery.
I upload every Sunday and some Wednesdays.

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Comments

  1. Chloe says

    September 19, 2020 at 12:39 pm

    You’ve got this & I’m forever proud of you – ilysm 💖

    Reply
    • envirolineblog says

      September 19, 2020 at 5:01 pm

      Thank you, ilysm2 xx

      Reply
  2. chasingthemaximumlife says

    September 20, 2020 at 3:28 pm

    Don’t worry. You’ve got this. All the best for your uni life. 😊😀🥰

    Reply
    • envirolineblog says

      September 20, 2020 at 8:42 pm

      Thank you! xx

      Reply
      • chasingthemaximumlife says

        September 21, 2020 at 5:53 am

        My pleasure. 😊

        Reply
  3. 3yellowdaisies says

    September 21, 2020 at 6:34 pm

    Hey, I nominated for you for The Beautiful Blogger Award, check out my site for instuctions. Congratulations, you’ve earned it! 🙂

    Reply
    • envirolineblog says

      September 25, 2020 at 1:31 pm

      Oh wow, thank you so much!! xx

      Reply
      • 3yellowdaisies says

        September 25, 2020 at 1:59 pm

        You’re welcome! xo 😊

        Reply
  4. amymayj says

    September 23, 2020 at 1:54 pm

    I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been struggling – I think often when you’re going through a big change like moving away it can cause your mind to get back into old habits and it definitely doesn’t make things easy! I’m glad to hear you’re feeling better and I hope that you’re settling in well at uni – wishing you all the best! xx

    Reply
    • envirolineblog says

      September 25, 2020 at 1:32 pm

      Thank you xxx

      Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Beautiful Blogger Award – Tall Blonde Tales says:
    September 19, 2020 at 3:01 pm

    […] Enviroline Blog […]

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  2. My 2020 roundup - Enviroline Blog says:
    May 7, 2021 at 4:35 pm

    […] brother and sister came over the day before I went to uni which was great but we couldn’t hug😢. Then I started uni – so exciting but also […]

    Reply
  3. Easy vegetarian sausage rolls recipe - Enviroline Blog says:
    June 23, 2021 at 9:11 am

    […] made these vegetarian sausage rolls a few weeks ago at uni when I just randomly felt like cooking. Because I’m at uni, this is a very simple recipe […]

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Hello!

Welcome to Enviroline Blog. I’m Caroline and I am currently in my second year at Bournemouth University studying Environmental Science.

On my blog, I share tips & tricks on how to be more sustainable in your everyday life.

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Lunch break @arubabournemouth before continuing with revision for my exam on Monday! 
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I was so happy to see that they weren’t any calories on the menu 🎉 and of course had to go on the beach 🌊 Saw the goats on the cliff, on the way down to the beach 🐐 
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Lunch break @arubabournemouth before continuing with revision for my exam on Monday! 
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I was so happy to see that they weren’t any calories on the menu 🎉 and of course had to go on the beach 🌊 Saw the goats on the cliff, on the way down to the beach 🐐 
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#arubabournemouth #bournemouthbeach #bournemouthblogger #bournemouthbloggers @bournemouthbloggers #ecoblogger #bloggersunder5k #sunnybournemouth #studentblogger
Lunch break @arubabournemouth before continuing with revision for my exam on Monday! 
-
I was so happy to see that they weren’t any calories on the menu 🎉 and of course had to go on the beach 🌊 Saw the goats on the cliff, on the way down to the beach 🐐 
-
#arubabournemouth #bournemouthbeach #bournemouthblogger #bournemouthbloggers @bournemouthbloggers #ecoblogger #bloggersunder5k #sunnybournemouth #studentblogger
Lunch break @arubabournemouth before continuing with revision for my exam on Monday! 
-
I was so happy to see that they weren’t any calories on the menu 🎉 and of course had to go on the beach 🌊 Saw the goats on the cliff, on the way down to the beach 🐐 
-
#arubabournemouth #bournemouthbeach #bournemouthblogger #bournemouthbloggers @bournemouthbloggers #ecoblogger #bloggersunder5k #sunnybournemouth #studentblogger
Lunch break @arubabournemouth before continuing with revision for my exam on Monday! 
-
I was so happy to see that they weren’t any calories on the menu 🎉 and of course had to go on the beach 🌊 Saw the goats on the cliff, on the way down to the beach 🐐 
-
#arubabournemouth #bournemouthbeach #bournemouthblogger #bournemouthbloggers @bournemouthbloggers #ecoblogger #bloggersunder5k #sunnybournemouth #studentblogger
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Lunch break @arubabournemouth before continuing with revision for my exam on Monday! - I was so happy to see that they weren’t any calories on the menu 🎉 and of course had to go on the beach 🌊 Saw the goats on the cliff, on the way down to the beach 🐐 - #arubabournemouth #bournemouthbeach #bournemouthblogger #bournemouthbloggers @bournemouthbloggers #ecoblogger #bloggersunder5k #sunnybournemouth #studentblogger
4 weeks ago
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Always take time to stop and smell the flowers 💐 
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So so stressed with uni, but these moments in nature help me take breaks and remind me what I’m studying for 🌺
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Always take time to stop and smell the flowers 💐 
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So so stressed with uni, but these moments in nature help me take breaks and remind me what I’m studying for 🌺
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#smelltheflowers #naturephotography #natureblogger #wildlifephotography #wildlifeblogger #bloggerunder5k
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Always take time to stop and smell the flowers 💐 - So so stressed with uni, but these moments in nature help me take breaks and remind me what I’m studying for 🌺 - #smelltheflowers #naturephotography #natureblogger #wildlifephotography #wildlifeblogger #bloggerunder5k
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In love with this dress❣️🌸
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In love with this dress❣️🌸 - Bought this dress from @vinted but it’s originally from @nobodyschild which makes it an even better purchase! Giving something a second life is already amazing, but from a sustainable company means that it should be made from sustainable materials 🪡 - What’s your fave 2nd hand clothing purchase? 👗 - #sustainableliving #sustainableblogger #ecoblogger #secondhand #secondhandfinds #secondhandclothes #vintedtreasures #thriftedfinds #ecolifestyle
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Some tulips to brighten up your day🌷
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Happy Bank Holiday Monday 💓 I wish I could have the day off to relax, but I have two assignments & two exams this month which I am behind on 😬📚
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Some tulips to brighten up your day🌷 - Happy Bank Holiday Monday 💓 I wish I could have the day off to relax, but I have two assignments & two exams this month which I am behind on 😬📚 - What did you get up to today? It’s so gloomy here ☁️ - #tulipsofinstagram #naturephotography #tulipphotography #ecofriendlyblogger #tuliplover #studentblogger #examseason #tulipstobrightenmyday #springsparkles #bloggersunder5k
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Today I’m sharing my favourite eco-friendly swaps 🌍
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•Wild deodorant have the best scents 😍My fave is strawberry which is part of the summer collection! 🍓(link in my bio to get a free case)
•Who Gives A Crap toilet roll are so worth the money. They have more sheets than standard ones which means they last longer!
•Reusable water bottle is an essential for anyone and everyone 💧
•Once you start using reusable make up pads, you won’t go back to wipes. I’ve had mine for over 2 years and are still in perfect use!
•Ocean Saver drops come in multiple scents for their different uses. I’m currently using their antibacterial one which I love 
•I love using my mum’s homemade soap so much. She makes ones in different shapes, scents & colours. My favourite is the cat shaped lavender bar 🐱
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What’s your favourite eco-friendly swap? 💚
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#ecofriendlyswaps #sustainableswaps #ecofriendlyblogger #sustainableblogger #ecoswaps #wilddeodorant #whogivesacraptoiletpaper #oceansaverdrops #oceansaver #homemadesoap #reusablemakeuppads #reusablewaterbottle #sustainableliving
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Today I’m sharing my favourite eco-friendly swaps 🌍 - •Wild deodorant have the best scents 😍My fave is strawberry which is part of the summer collection! 🍓(link in my bio to get a free case) •Who Gives A Crap toilet roll are so worth the money. They have more sheets than standard ones which means they last longer! •Reusable water bottle is an essential for anyone and everyone 💧 •Once you start using reusable make up pads, you won’t go back to wipes. I’ve had mine for over 2 years and are still in perfect use! •Ocean Saver drops come in multiple scents for their different uses. I’m currently using their antibacterial one which I love •I love using my mum’s homemade soap so much. She makes ones in different shapes, scents & colours. My favourite is the cat shaped lavender bar 🐱 - What’s your favourite eco-friendly swap? 💚 - #ecofriendlyswaps #sustainableswaps #ecofriendlyblogger #sustainableblogger #ecoswaps #wilddeodorant #whogivesacraptoiletpaper #oceansaverdrops #oceansaver #homemadesoap #reusablemakeuppads #reusablewaterbottle #sustainableliving
2 months ago
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Happy Earth Day! 🌍 
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Here is some of the beautiful nature and wildlife that I’ve seen recently 🌸 if you get a chance this weekend, go outside and look for butterflies. There are quite a few species out now so hopefully you’ll see one or two🦋
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Happy Earth Day! 🌍 
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Here is some of the beautiful nature and wildlife that I’ve seen recently 🌸 if you get a chance this weekend, go outside and look for butterflies. There are quite a few species out now so hopefully you’ll see one or two🦋
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#sustainableblogger #wildlifeblogger #natureblogger #aprilwildlife #bournemouthblogger #cheltenhamblogger #aprilbutterflies #orangetipbutterfly #peacockbutterfly #speckledwoodbutterfly #earthday #earthdayeveryday #earthday2022
Happy Earth Day! 🌍 
-
Here is some of the beautiful nature and wildlife that I’ve seen recently 🌸 if you get a chance this weekend, go outside and look for butterflies. There are quite a few species out now so hopefully you’ll see one or two🦋
-
#sustainableblogger #wildlifeblogger #natureblogger #aprilwildlife #bournemouthblogger #cheltenhamblogger #aprilbutterflies #orangetipbutterfly #peacockbutterfly #speckledwoodbutterfly #earthday #earthdayeveryday #earthday2022
Happy Earth Day! 🌍 
-
Here is some of the beautiful nature and wildlife that I’ve seen recently 🌸 if you get a chance this weekend, go outside and look for butterflies. There are quite a few species out now so hopefully you’ll see one or two🦋
-
#sustainableblogger #wildlifeblogger #natureblogger #aprilwildlife #bournemouthblogger #cheltenhamblogger #aprilbutterflies #orangetipbutterfly #peacockbutterfly #speckledwoodbutterfly #earthday #earthdayeveryday #earthday2022
Happy Earth Day! 🌍 
-
Here is some of the beautiful nature and wildlife that I’ve seen recently 🌸 if you get a chance this weekend, go outside and look for butterflies. There are quite a few species out now so hopefully you’ll see one or two🦋
-
#sustainableblogger #wildlifeblogger #natureblogger #aprilwildlife #bournemouthblogger #cheltenhamblogger #aprilbutterflies #orangetipbutterfly #peacockbutterfly #speckledwoodbutterfly #earthday #earthdayeveryday #earthday2022
Happy Earth Day! 🌍 
-
Here is some of the beautiful nature and wildlife that I’ve seen recently 🌸 if you get a chance this weekend, go outside and look for butterflies. There are quite a few species out now so hopefully you’ll see one or two🦋
-
#sustainableblogger #wildlifeblogger #natureblogger #aprilwildlife #bournemouthblogger #cheltenhamblogger #aprilbutterflies #orangetipbutterfly #peacockbutterfly #speckledwoodbutterfly #earthday #earthdayeveryday #earthday2022
Happy Earth Day! 🌍 
-
Here is some of the beautiful nature and wildlife that I’ve seen recently 🌸 if you get a chance this weekend, go outside and look for butterflies. There are quite a few species out now so hopefully you’ll see one or two🦋
-
#sustainableblogger #wildlifeblogger #natureblogger #aprilwildlife #bournemouthblogger #cheltenhamblogger #aprilbutterflies #orangetipbutterfly #peacockbutterfly #speckledwoodbutterfly #earthday #earthdayeveryday #earthday2022
Happy Earth Day! 🌍 
-
Here is some of the beautiful nature and wildlife that I’ve seen recently 🌸 if you get a chance this weekend, go outside and look for butterflies. There are quite a few species out now so hopefully you’ll see one or two🦋
-
#sustainableblogger #wildlifeblogger #natureblogger #aprilwildlife #bournemouthblogger #cheltenhamblogger #aprilbutterflies #orangetipbutterfly #peacockbutterfly #speckledwoodbutterfly #earthday #earthdayeveryday #earthday2022
Happy Earth Day! 🌍 
-
Here is some of the beautiful nature and wildlife that I’ve seen recently 🌸 if you get a chance this weekend, go outside and look for butterflies. There are quite a few species out now so hopefully you’ll see one or two🦋
-
#sustainableblogger #wildlifeblogger #natureblogger #aprilwildlife #bournemouthblogger #cheltenhamblogger #aprilbutterflies #orangetipbutterfly #peacockbutterfly #speckledwoodbutterfly #earthday #earthdayeveryday #earthday2022
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Happy Earth Day! 🌍 - Here is some of the beautiful nature and wildlife that I’ve seen recently 🌸 if you get a chance this weekend, go outside and look for butterflies. There are quite a few species out now so hopefully you’ll see one or two🦋 - #sustainableblogger #wildlifeblogger #natureblogger #aprilwildlife #bournemouthblogger #cheltenhamblogger #aprilbutterflies #orangetipbutterfly #peacockbutterfly #speckledwoodbutterfly #earthday #earthdayeveryday #earthday2022
2 months ago
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6/10
Tulips from the garden 🌷 
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#tulipsgarden #tulipgarden #springtulips #tulipphotography #naturephotographer #wildlifephotography #gardennature #discoverunder2k #microblogger #natureblogger #wildlifeblogger #uktulips
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Tulips from the garden 🌷 - #tulipsgarden #tulipgarden #springtulips #tulipphotography #naturephotographer #wildlifephotography #gardennature #discoverunder2k #microblogger #natureblogger #wildlifeblogger #uktulips
2 months ago
View on Instagram |
7/10
I hate that the government have gone ahead with their decision to make calories on menus mandatory. It will impact so many people with eating disorders and that breaks my heart. I would consider myself recovered, but the new menus worry me. I have come up with a few ways to try and cope with calories on menus. Please read & share ❤️
-
#eatingdisorderawareness #copingwithcalories #copingwitheatingdisorders #eatingdisordersupport #eatingdisorderblogger #edblogger #mentalhealthsupport #mentalhealthblogger @beatedsupport @beatingeatingdisorders
I hate that the government have gone ahead with their decision to make calories on menus mandatory. It will impact so many people with eating disorders and that breaks my heart. I would consider myself recovered, but the new menus worry me. I have come up with a few ways to try and cope with calories on menus. Please read & share ❤️
-
#eatingdisorderawareness #copingwithcalories #copingwitheatingdisorders #eatingdisordersupport #eatingdisorderblogger #edblogger #mentalhealthsupport #mentalhealthblogger @beatedsupport @beatingeatingdisorders
I hate that the government have gone ahead with their decision to make calories on menus mandatory. It will impact so many people with eating disorders and that breaks my heart. I would consider myself recovered, but the new menus worry me. I have come up with a few ways to try and cope with calories on menus. Please read & share ❤️
-
#eatingdisorderawareness #copingwithcalories #copingwitheatingdisorders #eatingdisordersupport #eatingdisorderblogger #edblogger #mentalhealthsupport #mentalhealthblogger @beatedsupport @beatingeatingdisorders
I hate that the government have gone ahead with their decision to make calories on menus mandatory. It will impact so many people with eating disorders and that breaks my heart. I would consider myself recovered, but the new menus worry me. I have come up with a few ways to try and cope with calories on menus. Please read & share ❤️
-
#eatingdisorderawareness #copingwithcalories #copingwitheatingdisorders #eatingdisordersupport #eatingdisorderblogger #edblogger #mentalhealthsupport #mentalhealthblogger @beatedsupport @beatingeatingdisorders
I hate that the government have gone ahead with their decision to make calories on menus mandatory. It will impact so many people with eating disorders and that breaks my heart. I would consider myself recovered, but the new menus worry me. I have come up with a few ways to try and cope with calories on menus. Please read & share ❤️
-
#eatingdisorderawareness #copingwithcalories #copingwitheatingdisorders #eatingdisordersupport #eatingdisorderblogger #edblogger #mentalhealthsupport #mentalhealthblogger @beatedsupport @beatingeatingdisorders
I hate that the government have gone ahead with their decision to make calories on menus mandatory. It will impact so many people with eating disorders and that breaks my heart. I would consider myself recovered, but the new menus worry me. I have come up with a few ways to try and cope with calories on menus. Please read & share ❤️
-
#eatingdisorderawareness #copingwithcalories #copingwitheatingdisorders #eatingdisordersupport #eatingdisorderblogger #edblogger #mentalhealthsupport #mentalhealthblogger @beatedsupport @beatingeatingdisorders
I hate that the government have gone ahead with their decision to make calories on menus mandatory. It will impact so many people with eating disorders and that breaks my heart. I would consider myself recovered, but the new menus worry me. I have come up with a few ways to try and cope with calories on menus. Please read & share ❤️
-
#eatingdisorderawareness #copingwithcalories #copingwitheatingdisorders #eatingdisordersupport #eatingdisorderblogger #edblogger #mentalhealthsupport #mentalhealthblogger @beatedsupport @beatingeatingdisorders
I hate that the government have gone ahead with their decision to make calories on menus mandatory. It will impact so many people with eating disorders and that breaks my heart. I would consider myself recovered, but the new menus worry me. I have come up with a few ways to try and cope with calories on menus. Please read & share ❤️
-
#eatingdisorderawareness #copingwithcalories #copingwitheatingdisorders #eatingdisordersupport #eatingdisorderblogger #edblogger #mentalhealthsupport #mentalhealthblogger @beatedsupport @beatingeatingdisorders
I hate that the government have gone ahead with their decision to make calories on menus mandatory. It will impact so many people with eating disorders and that breaks my heart. I would consider myself recovered, but the new menus worry me. I have come up with a few ways to try and cope with calories on menus. Please read & share ❤️
-
#eatingdisorderawareness #copingwithcalories #copingwitheatingdisorders #eatingdisordersupport #eatingdisorderblogger #edblogger #mentalhealthsupport #mentalhealthblogger @beatedsupport @beatingeatingdisorders
I hate that the government have gone ahead with their decision to make calories on menus mandatory. It will impact so many people with eating disorders and that breaks my heart. I would consider myself recovered, but the new menus worry me. I have come up with a few ways to try and cope with calories on menus. Please read & share ❤️
-
#eatingdisorderawareness #copingwithcalories #copingwitheatingdisorders #eatingdisordersupport #eatingdisorderblogger #edblogger #mentalhealthsupport #mentalhealthblogger @beatedsupport @beatingeatingdisorders
envirolineblog
envirolineblog
•
Follow
I hate that the government have gone ahead with their decision to make calories on menus mandatory. It will impact so many people with eating disorders and that breaks my heart. I would consider myself recovered, but the new menus worry me. I have come up with a few ways to try and cope with calories on menus. Please read & share ❤️ - #eatingdisorderawareness #copingwithcalories #copingwitheatingdisorders #eatingdisordersupport #eatingdisorderblogger #edblogger #mentalhealthsupport #mentalhealthblogger @beatedsupport @beatingeatingdisorders
2 months ago
View on Instagram |
8/10
Happy April 🐰
-
I took this photo in Bournemouth central gardens a couple of weekends ago 🌸
A blog post on April wildlife to spot in the UK went live yesterday ~ have a read when you have time 🦋
-
What is your favourite spring flower? 🌷
-
#natureblogger #happyapril #newmonth #springflower #springtree #magnoliatree #naturephotography #wildlifephotography #ecoblogger #sustainableliving #bournemouthblogger #bloggersunder5k
envirolineblog
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Happy April 🐰 - I took this photo in Bournemouth central gardens a couple of weekends ago 🌸 A blog post on April wildlife to spot in the UK went live yesterday ~ have a read when you have time 🦋 - What is your favourite spring flower? 🌷 - #natureblogger #happyapril #newmonth #springflower #springtree #magnoliatree #naturephotography #wildlifephotography #ecoblogger #sustainableliving #bournemouthblogger #bloggersunder5k
3 months ago
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9/10
Check out my review of @bowercollective ‘s lavender washing up liquid new to my blog! 
-
They currently have an amazing deal where you can get £15 off with orders over £20 & a FREE Tony’s Chocolonely bar! The link is in my bio 🎉
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#sustainableblogger #bowercollective #ecowashingupliquid #sustainableswaps #ecoblogger #ecofriendlyblogger #newblogpost #ecofriendlyproducts #bournemouthblogger #sustainability #sustainableliving #cheltenhambloggersuk #cheltenhamblogger
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Check out my review of @bowercollective ‘s lavender washing up liquid new to my blog! - They currently have an amazing deal where you can get £15 off with orders over £20 & a FREE Tony’s Chocolonely bar! The link is in my bio 🎉 - #sustainableblogger #bowercollective #ecowashingupliquid #sustainableswaps #ecoblogger #ecofriendlyblogger #newblogpost #ecofriendlyproducts #bournemouthblogger #sustainability #sustainableliving #cheltenhambloggersuk #cheltenhamblogger
3 months ago
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