Getting back to exercise after an eating disorder

I’ve been thinking about this for a while, but I’ve not really been sure how to approach the topic. Getting back to exercise after an eating disorder is something that I have really struggled with. I have never enjoyed exercise because I thought it was just to lose weight. I didn’t understand the concept of enjoying exercise, but in the last couple of months, I’ve been thinking about it more and more.

(Cover photo by Mor Shani on Unsplash)

A brief overview

I’m not going to go into detail about when I had my eating disorder because that isn’t what this post is about. But just to put things into perspective a bit, I’m doing a brief overview. In April 2020, I was discharged from the eating disorder clinic over the phone due to covid. Previously I had been excessively exercising, but stopped during treatment. I was terrified of catching covid so didn’t go outside much in 2020, even for a walk.

Exercise has been at the back of my mind because I have always been terrified of taking it too far. Cut to 2022 and I thought yoga could be a way to dip my toes back in. This was partly due to trying to cope with endometriosis pain, but it didn’t help so gave up pretty quickly. In spring/summer of 2023, I could feel my clothes getting a bit baggy so decided to try and gain weight. I’ve got no idea how much I weigh, so was purely going off how my clothes feel.

Where am I now?

Something that I am really happy to say, is that I don’t think about calories anymore! They don’t even cross my mind, and I honestly never thought I would get to this place. When I was discharged in 2020, I thought that I was about 80% recovered and that would be the best I would feel. 4 years on, and I would say back then I was only 50% recovered. I am feeling so much better now. I still get days when I am feeling depressed, but it has nothing to do with food or eating. I want to eat now, I enjoy treating myself.

In December 2023, I started thinking more about exercise and wanting to do something I enjoyed. When I was younger, I used to do so many hobbies as I’m sure other kids did/do. I stopped them when I became too depressed to enjoy anything. This included piano, tap, modern, ballet, boxercise and tennis.

A local gym around the corner from me opened a year or two ago, so I thought I would look into the classes they do. I signed up for the dance aerobics class, and I have been enjoying it. I’m not very good at picking up the moves, always a beat behind everyone else or on the wrong foot. But I’m enjoying it, it gets my heart rate going, I like to think I’m getting fitter, and I’m not doing it to lose weight. Once a week is good for me at the moment because I’m not going to get obsessed.

I’ve got a student gym membership, only because it makes sense money-wise. I’ve not joined any other classes yet, but I might have a look. I would like to join the pilates, but it is on a Friday AM which is when I’m at uni! I’d also quite like to use their gym equipment, such as the rowing machine and treadmill. I’m a bit anxious to go by myself just yet. I’m trying not to pressure myself to do anything, I love saving money and going more often would make more sense. But sometimes you have to put yourself first, and I’m still saving money as long as I could 3 times a month.

Something else I am trying to do more of is pilates. I found a Pilates tutorial on YouTube by the NHS, to just experiment with different types of exercise. Personally, I found it a bit slow so didn’t think I would go back to it. But, it really helped with my back pain. Back in September, I was in a car accident and I still get a lot of pain from that. The main thing that has lingered is back pain and I have found the pain goes for about 2 days after doing Pilates.

I have tried not to focus too much on steps but it can be hard when lots of people are aiming for 10k steps a day. I walk a lot less in comparison, so ideally I want to get that up.

Continue reading: Getting back to exercise after an eating disorder

What’s next?

I want to experiment with what exercise I like, so that might be trying out different classes. Or going for a run, a walk etc. I am trying to steer clear of a typical workout initially because that was something that I obsessed over. I’m thinking about looking into adult tap classes because I used to really enjoy this when I was younger. I’ve still got my tap shoes, so just need to find a class. I used to play tennis, and I definitely enjoyed that but I’ve not really got anyone to play with at the moment.

My tips for others

• Start slow
• Introduce one thing at a time
• Look after yourself by putting YOU first
• Make sure you are eating well
• Remember that exercise can be enjoyable and has nothing to do with losing weight

I hope this post has provided some insight into getting back to exercise after an eating disorder. If you are struggling with an eating disorder, please reach out and get some help! BEAT is a great website for this, and Samaritans are there if you are struggling with anything.

Other posts about eating disorder recovery:

• How to cope with calories on menus
• The importance of positive affirmations during recovery
• Coping with an eating disorder at university

Caroline ♡